PLAYLIST: Moving On and Moving Up

On May 6, 2015, I made the biggest decision of my life. I sat my boss down (figuratively; in reality, I asked her to come take a smoke break with me) and told her that I had decided to quit my job. These are not words that you speak; these are words that you hurl. As much intention as you've had, all those months of imagining the day that your lips, your tongue, and your teeth all manage to muster up the courage and the calmness -- in perfectly equal parts -- to consort with impeccable timing, and fluidly say "Thank you for everything. I  would like to work on my life now," you are never really ready to say them. Until you finally do.

Scraping yourself out of bed, trudging to tend to something that you no longer understand, existing through the day, and coming back home with a full bank account, but with a lifeless soul and an empty heart -- at some point, it will get exhausting. Sure, you stick it out to prove your strength, but you could be strong enough to break.

But then breaking isn't necessarily a bad thing. It could mean a welcome, yet bittersweet detachment from many things: from your less study pieces; from the weakest links; from the ball of your chain; from the darkest time of night to daybreak; from Walter White The Cancer Victim, to Walter White The Crime Lord.

Now with the freedom and privilege to comfortably saunter through the world, there has been an earthshaking tectonic shift within myself. It felt like five hundred years, those two months that I spent rearranged and rearranging, being thrown in all directions while keeping my feet nailed to the ground.

But it has become very clear to me that as far as an ordinary life is concerned, I am either not made for it, or I am simply disinterested. It has been a little over a month since my last working day, and it has felt like rebirth. Both my body, and the cogs in my brain have been more well-oiled and busier than they have been in a while. I'm seeing so many new things, and seeing the world with a completely new set of eyes.

























Eight years ago, I went skydiving. It was an impulsive decision, as I am clearly inclined to make. Much like the dive that I made to drop everything to pursue living my life. The only difference between then and now is that it was at a dingy flight school in some far-flung Podunk town in the outskirts of San Francisco, with the landing field in front of me, and I was strapped on to a parachute guaranteed that I would land on my feet (I landed on my knees, kissing the ground) and an Australian instructor who jumped on my behalf. All I could see was a whirl of blues and greens, and all I could hear was the wind whizzing past my head, nothing else.

This time, I've jumped all by myself, all on my own accord, with no parachute to break the fall, nor landing field in sight. But I needed to get my heart racing. To stare the open sky in the face, dare myself to spring off my feet, and free-fall! I'll be screaming the whole way, but I'll be moving so fast, I'll barely hear it.

I confess though, that I feel as if I might be crazy to be doing something so out-of-the-blue and unconventional. To conjure up some tall order of a dream and be crazy enough to create it with my own hands. But then again, everybody I admire is a little crazy. If quitting your job to do something completely wild and unexpected is any testimony, I very well may be. And at this point, I am more than ready to own up to my maniac of a mind -- to tend to my topak and do as I dream -- because I am no longer settling for anything less than that wild, sickening, stomach-churning, heart-in-my-throat feeling that I got from jumping out of a plane at 13,000 feet to fly.

I'm formulating so many plans and figuring out how to make them all work. I wake up a solid 4 hours earlier than I did when I was working, and with gusto! My skin is turning brown. I'm handing out every spontaneous "Yes!" I could give, in every possible direction. I've had so many beautiful conversations with beautiful people whom I have neither seen nor spoken to in far too long. There may be a new romance in the works, we'll see! I am meeting new people, placing myself in their shoes and finding how excellence can be born in the middle of nowhere. I am putting a new language in my head, and then perfecting the ones that I already know. I am filling my head with words of the authors of yore, and streetside poets, who have spoken more truth than anyone at a witness stand. Business ideas are flying off the handle, and wow, how feasible they all are!

My compass has begun to point me towards the direction of what matters. There is so much out there that I've been holding out on, and I am ecstatic to see, hear, touch, taste, smell, and speak to and love, all the colors, sounds, surfaces, flavors, odors, and people that I never have before.

And as the world outside starts to become clearer, the answers to questions of who I am are becoming more lucid as well. I seem to have turned into some sort of hard-ass. All those years of doing events for ABS-CBN was both humbling and empowering, but it was always someone else's shot to call. I was someone else's hand. But now that I am allowed the time and the space for the rest of my body to grow. I can afford to have my heart beat freely and act upon it. Sure, there are things that I am willing to apologize for, but catering to my wants and needs, and not complying to expectations are no longer on that list. I am quicker to recognize four things: What I love; what I excel in; what is good for me; and bullshit. And now that I have the cojones to establish these, and stick by my guns, I can proceed accordingly. Time to show 'em who's boss.

I've said too much. On to the music. These are just a few of the tracks that I've been listening to, to sort of soften the blow of everything that is going on. Enjoy!


1. Alabama Shakes, "Sound and Color"
From what will easily be my personal pick for the the best album of 2015, the carrier single of Alabama Shakes' Sound and Color is a heartbreakingly beautiful existential piece on rediscovering life -- all that is beautiful and strange about it -- in an otherwise dark world. The video complements it so well.

2. Mayer Hawthorne, "In A Phantom Mood"

Detachment anthem! I had this on loop as I was picking things out of my shelves and throwing half of everything I own into boxes. Also, great for sunny, early morning drives on Roxas Boulevard. Try not to get into that infectious bass line! 

3. Alanis Morissette, "You Learn"
Being reckless with yourself never sounded so good.

4. Belle and Sebastian (featuring Norah Jones), "Little Lou, Ugly Jack, Prophet John"
Inspired by the work of Lou Reed, Jack Kerouac, and John Lennon. Difficult to listen to if feelings are raw, but do it anyway because they are raw.

5. Erykah Badu, "Bag Lady" 
Pack light; leave your baggage. That mess will weigh you down, and crowd your space.

All you must hold on to is you.

6. Fleetwood Mac, "Gypsy"

Lightning strikes maybe once, maybe twice
And it lights up the night

7. George Michael, "Freedom '90"
Sure, this one is about George Michael coming out of the closet and breaking free from what everything that he was known for -- being a hotshot sex symbol to teenage girls in the 80s -- but the same sentiment applies to quitting your job, figuring yourself out and being proud of it, no?

But today the way I play the game has got to change, oh yeah
Now I'm gonna get myself happy

8. Rodriguez, "To Whom It May Concern"

9. Hole, "Malibu"

Why are you so burned when you're barely on fire? 

10. Alice Russell (feat. TM Duke), "Hurry on Now"
Killer lady, killer pipes.

11. Jimi Hendrix, "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"

12. Esperanza Spalding, "Precious"

But I'm not going to 

Waste my precious, divine energy,

Trying to explain, and being ashamed

Of what you think is wrong with me

13. FKJ (feat. Jordan Rakei), "Learning To Fly"

14. FKJ (feat. Madelyn Grant), "Waiting"

It is rare that I would allow an artist to make repeat appearances in my public playlists, but clearly, I love this guy. It was crucial to have this particular track on this playlist, because, well, a girl gets impatient, too. And when she's done, you can bet your bottom dollar that she. Is. Done.

PLAYLIST: Summer Soundtrack -- In Flight

Given the expanse of my music collection, I am inclined to sift through it all (often out of necessity, so as not to drown) to weed out tracks that I either particularly like, which would play well with others. Hence, a looooong list of playlists, with themes that go as specific as "The Ancient Japanese Art of Karaoke," or "Black Girls (and Girls that Sound Black)", and my most requested list to date: "Lagkit" -- a collection of the stickiest, sexiest, most syrupy stuff I have.

I figured I'd start doing a thematic playlist series. And since the summer is upon us, it only makes sense to make the first few playlists about the summer.

Everyone seems to be either flying in or out of town this weekend (myself, included), and I had been listening to some of these tracks already anyway, so I'll start with a flight-themed list. Here we go.

1. "Window Seat," Erykah Badu

   So, in my mind I'm touslin'
   Back and forth 'tween here and hustlin'
   I don't wanna time travel no more
   I wanna be here, I'm thinking
   
   So can I get a window seat?
   Don't want nobody next to me
   I just want a ticket outta town
   A look around and a safe touch down

   
   
   Consider this video an urban political interpretation of your walk to the beach. Yes or no?
   
   

2.  "Fly," June Marieezy (FKJ remix)

   For obvious reasons. Albeit, this is one of those cases wherein I personally prefer the remix to the original.
   Much respect to Ms. Marieezy for property testifying to the magnificence of the Philippines, by way of her shout out, and her talent. But it took France's FKJ (French Kiwi Juice, a self-taught multi-instrumentalist whose style includes live improvisations) to really make the track effervescent, giving you "float" instead of just "fly." Plus, their chemistry both on-stage (at last month's Malasimbo Music Festival), and on record is off the charts.
   

   Wrap my head around:
   The whole world is a blast
   If you open up to magic

    Exactly.
   
   



3. "A320," Foo Fighters

   Although there's a slightly morbid undertone to this fear-of-flying anthem, doesn't the journey get a little uncomfortable sometimes anyway? Metaphorically, sometimes you are hesitant to take flight, for fear of crashing. Flying is just a risk that you have to take. The point is, you're already up there. You've already done what it takes. You're already on your way. You're already soaring.
   
   I found a fan-made video of the song, with clips from LOST to accompany it. Because, why the hell not? We have room for a little dark humor around here, hahaha!
   
   
   
   

4. "Drops of Jupiter," Train

   To anyone who flies away to find themselves, and to the ones that they leave behind. This is for you.
   
   
   
   
   

5. "505," Arctic Monkeys

   Not necessarily a "flight" song, but I'd always imagined this song to describe James Bond flying out to meet a dangerous lover of some clandestine love affair, in a secret paradise, with a surprise (*wink, wink*). On that note: Why haven't they been commissioned to do a Bond theme?

   The middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start

   
   

6. "Take Me Somewhere Nice," Mogwai

   Just. Listen.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

7. "Paris (Aeroplane Remix)," Friendly Fires (feat. Au Revoir Simone)

   No real reason. Just feels nice.
   
   
   
   

8. "Cry, Die, Fly," Drew ofthe Drew

   Recommended by a friend from Berklee College of Music, because they went to there together. This said friend linked this to me once when I first started learning the bass, because Drew ofthe Drew (that is right: forget the space) is one bad bassist. Also, their vocalist, Joanna Teters, has got some pipes on her, doesn't she? Bass: check. Vocals: check. Two birds, one act. Sold.
   
   I have listened to this on flights. I have to warn you: it's not easy to pretend that you don't want to sing along or play air-bass (or banjo, if you prefer) with all those people watching.
   
   
   
   

9.  "I Gotta Be More (Take Me Higher)," Al Green

   Again, not much of a reason here, except that I remember listening to Al Green on a relatively long flight once, and this is one that stuck.
   
   
   
   

10. "Curbside Prophet," Jason Mraz

    Just waiting for my rocket to come. Ties in with investing in experience (such as travel) more than your checking account, "because it all amounts to nothing in the end."
    
    

    
    

11. "Heaven," Bitter:Sweet

    Bitter:Sweet is an LA-based electronic/trip-hop band, whom I appreciate immensely because of Shanna Halligan's wispy vocals, and Kiran Shahani's penchant for Latin beats. This one's got a sticky samba groove, which all-in-all reminds of cocktail martinis and 1960s flight attendants.
    
    
    
    

12. "XO," Beyonce

    It is an interesting thing to that there was a bit of controversy around this track, when they used that little sample in the beginning of the song. It just happens to be the last spoken words that were recorded just before the Space Shuttle Challenger blew up into pieces.
    
    To me, it means flying in the dark, towards the light of a beloved place, or a lover's face. 

     

BONUS TRACK:

"I Want You," Erykah Badu

Perhaps this belongs in the to-be MOMOL Playlist that I will, of course, be putting together (or shorten, because there is a loooooong list) but I am putting this on here because this song reminds me of my first kiss. It was the height of summer, and happened right before I hopped on a flight to Bohol. Incidentally, I had just downloaded Erykah Badu's Worldwide Underground album, and this was the first song that came on. I had it on loop the whole flight, the whole weekend, and the whole month after. I still love it today, and is one of my go-tos for when I start to feel the butterflies.

What do you listen to when you're flying?