I'm not going to lie: today has been a difficult day. And it doesn't look like it's going to get better anytime soon. I've been up since exactly 5:20 AM, and by noon, all of my conversations so far had felt like 12 AM ones instead of 12 NN, over several rounds of beer. And tears.
If seems that some very significant changes that I've had to undergo -- which, as fate would have it, all seem to have decided to funnel into one bloody week -- have been met halfheartedly, with distress and a tinge of resentment. A new year; new responsibilities; other, less specific things -- changes which I thought might set a fire inside my belly, but so far, unfortunately, have not. Instead, there are anti-climactic pseudo beginnings, and cliff-hanging pseudo endings. They've only stirred a metaphysical unease so unsettling that, there, I'm back to hardly eating and barely sleeping.
It's disappointing when things don't meet your expectations; whether they exceed them or fall short of them. Ultimately, it's a matter of perspective, I know, but the initial reaction always feels like your knees giving out from under you. I would know, and I have the scratches on my knees to prove it.
Besides my friends, I've learned to come to music as a source of strength; I know why the caged bird sings. And I'd like to introduce you to this gem of a jam that I've had under my belt for quite a while.
Initially, I thought that this track was an Erykah Badu/Mark Ronson/Jay-Z effort (listen, and you'll see what I mean), which, I excitedly thought, made it possibly the best-kept secret of all fucking time. (Or, at least since 2009.) Instead, I got Mishal Moore (of Los Angeles, USA) and Kenny "Dope" Gonzalez, who prove to be just as formidable.
Together, they serve "Oh Lord," a Charleston-inducing, 1920's swing-sampled track; psalm-worth lyrics; and effortless melody. Don't be turned-off by the religious theme; you'll want to be brought to church by the first 5 seconds.
Run run as fast as you can
Have to find your way to that promised land
Oh sing, sing those tambourines
Life to your soul when the choir sings
Hope you are blessed with faith, happiness,
and every little dream your heart desires
Take it from me, all these things ain't for free, but
best to do what's right for you and love
love, love, love
Lord give me strength
to face everyday
Oh Lord give me strength
to face everyday
Wake, wake, don't mess around
You'll lose yourself before you even get found
Listen, listen thunder will roll
The very best of you may lose control
Don't stop trying, the hurt will subside,
In time the boulevard will appear
Don't ask no questions, just thank God for you blessings
Hold on to the key of truth
and love, love, love, love
Lord give me strength
to face everyday
Oh Lord give me strength
to face everyday
You have all the power to decide what's best for you
Don't rely on no one else to show you what to do
I just say
Lord give me strength
to face everyday
Oh Lord give me strength
to face everyday
Oh Lord, please watch me on my journey,
I feel like life's a trial, with the worst attorney;
Oh Lord, please tell me not to worry,
That I still have nothing and just turned 30;
Oh Lord, sometimes I feel so selfish,
Worrying about me when other people are helpless;
Oh Lord, I don't mean to complain,
I just feel better when I speak your name;
Lord, I'm at peace with car breeze and palm trees,
Who knew I'd be a bigger person by praying on my knees?
Lord, please,
God forgive me for my sins in times of need
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