Holding on to the Holden

Given that your high school friends are pretty much the most dependable ones that you're ever going to have; and meeting people after school is fated to be difficult, it absolutely sucks to find out that the ones that you do meet and thought that you did like aren't as great as you thought.

They're selfish, manipulative, narrow-minded, self-imposing, kinda stupid, and are as boring as everybody else. It is disappointing and heartbreaking! Obviously my friends aren't perfect and are flawed in more ways than one, but they certainly aren't stupid. And when people whom you liked and respected turn out to be just another couple of ignorant, obnoxious idiots.... ugh.

Maybe I'm just naive. That, or I held on to the Holden too much for too long. Either way, I've maintained a no-bullshit policy, and I'm the first person to sniff out insincerity of any kind.

On the upside, you realize how invaluable your real friends are, and there's a reason why they've been there for so long.

All That Glitters

I was talking to a friend -- a fellow creative mind and a kindred spirit from the same generation both literally and mentally -- the other day about how we're both so ready to move on from our jobs.

Sure, he's been at his for 2 years I think, and I've been at mine for 6 months, but that's the advantage about being 24, I guess. According to my mother, at least.

Anyway, it was then that someone confirmed with me that one of the occupational hazards of what I'm doing is disillusionment. I was blind-sided by it, too, because hello all I thought I'd be doing is watching Koreanovelas for money.

What I didn't foresee was that it would completely crush every notion of "magic" I had left.

Do you know those insane magician/illusionist/mentalist shows? They're breathtaking and amazing and it's cathartic to not understand some things sometimes, and a bit of a relief in a world where pretty much everyone is stupid, because there's somebody who can do something that you absolutely cannot, and for a brief moment you have someone to genuinely look up to. Well, I learned that these supposedly unique abilities can be taught "anywhere, anytime, to any talent" when I was watching a pile of Israeli format screeners that they were selling to us.

And from there, you realize that even things like the Miss Universe pagaent is political. It was probably naive of me to expect otherwise, and it's not like I absolutely believed in it anyway, but the cold, hard reality didn't hit me until I realized that the rumors of China possibly hosting one of these years was probably the reason why that dim lightbulb of a contestant even made it to 4th runner up.

And as happy and proud as I am for Shamcey, I have my conspiracy theories behind her almost-win as well, which I cannot divulge for the sake of my job. She was clearly the best one there and truly deserved her win, but I guess I'm just too jaded now to think that nothing is ever as genuine as it seems anymore.

Do You Believe in Life on Other Planets?

There is a hilarious and wonderfully crass website that is popular in the Philippines called Tunay na Lalake, or TNL. I'm not going to deny just how immensely I enjoy this shit in all its honesty, grossness and satire.

I mention this because, in light of the fresh bequeathing of privilege and responsibility and general katarayan, I came across this post of Ms. China Universe 2011's web interview a few weeks ago which proves that based on the Tunay na Lalake manifesto, si Miss China Universe 2011 ay isang tunay na lalaki:

Here She Comes

I had to rush to work at 8 this morning to edit the live feed of the Miss Universe pagaent, copy of the program script in hand. Ahhhh, the perks of being in the business is seeing all the intestines of things like this.

Anyway, hitting you with a Howlin' Maggie song called "Miss Universe" because, you know, we like to dress for the occassion.

My Mother and Her Daughter

I came across this article on the Philippine Daily Inquirer (via Facebook). As I browsed through my news feed, I thought it was just another negligible article that my uncle posted. And then I spotted my last name! And the middle name that I share with my mother! And then her name! What the hell?

Of course I clicked it and this is what I read. I've been told tales of how astoundingly beautiful people think she is. I've met older men who, upon discovering that she is in fact my mother, would get that dreamy, nostalgic look on their faces as they look back on their youth and say, "Oh, I used to buy Jingle Magazine because of her." My cinematography teacher in my senior year knew her from when she'd model for him. I've heard stories of how boys would visit her, and how the guests at my grandmother's diner/inn would frustratedly ask her why my mom wouldn't date them (she had dignified reasons).

Read the full article here.

Being my mother's daughter, there was always some pressure to measure up, or at least bear some semblance of kinship. It doesn't help that I look nothing like her, or that I'm twice her waifly petite frame, or that my hair was crazy, and that I look every bit the Godzilla mutation that she isn't. But I guess at 24 years old, being around her for all those years, there's nothing else to do but to be okay with it. Much like the recent childhood-shattering scientific discoveries that the dinosaurs had feathers, I've grown to realize that I have feathers too, and I've grown to be quite comfortable with my skin.

But at 24 years old, I feel like I'm still nowhere near what she had down-pat when she was 24. I'm not meeting any new boys. I'm even going to go as far as saying that they might even be somewhat scared of me.  I haven't done the remarkable thing that will establish my existence with the one thing that I will be remembered for. But in my mother's case, her remarkable thing was something she was born with. The lucky duck.

Instead, I'm sitting behind this computer, typing this out. 

Nevertheless, I am a daughter that is proud of her mother in many ways! And what this is, is circuitously really just her lighting a fire under my ass and telling me to get off it and be great already!

Revival

Well, I haven't seen you in a while!

Since I last dabbled in this page, I've decided to take my hobby towards a more serious direction. And you might wonder how one might do that? Well, I made a Facebook page for it! I'm now managing more things than I need to handle, but I don't know if you're as aware as I am that there are different tiers of information disclosure that correspond with these accounts -- Facebook is exactly what I needed for a comprehensive online portfolio that's easily accessible for maximum exposure; Tumblr is for when you want to share something without having much to say and somehow, someone somewhere is going to feel like you totally just spoke their mind; Blogspot is somewhat the opposite; and Google + is, well.... like "fetch" - it's never really going to happen.

But I've digressed. The Facebook page is over here:
Makeup by Abi Portillo -- The Name on Everyone's Lips
And I have honestly never been more grateful for all those times that people laughed at how my last name sounded like "portfolio." Look at how well that turned out. Ahaha.

Apparently, not everybody thought that I was serious about this. Well, for a long time it was on the back burner, that's true, but I was surprised that people were surprised when I injected a semblance of seriousness to it. Fine.

What they didn't know, I guess, was that I've been booking jobs here and there. The best parts about it is the rush that comes with being in one's element, and of course, the fast cash. HEEH.

But more often than not, I've struggled with people taking me seriously. It's either that, or people in general are just not convinced that they need to pay their makeup artists. Which is a terrible mistake, as far as I'm concerned because we're the ones that are going to either make or break your face. A could-have-been client once took a group-discounted salon booking over me, and I'm sorry to say it, but she did look every bit the 20% that she didn't pay to have her face done. Lesson learned? I sure hope so.

On other occasions, I do take delight in some of the "pro bono" work that I've done. The Hansom video gig was tons of fun, mostly because I got to do both boys' and girls' makeup. AND while they didn't pay me in cash, they did pay me in other kindnesses. :D

The last offer I got maybe one of the best so far:

It's this like this -- tiny complements from people who genuinely believe in you -- that keep me going. Abi Rode has had one outright, random, non-family fan so far, and I treasure that immensely! It's fuel to the fire in my belly.

Needless to say, I'm not going to pass this baby up! Hell yeah, I'd swap a new tattoo for a job! But it's not even the monetary value that matters to me (although I have been saving up for a new tattoo or a fixer-upper. Those bitches are expensive!). Mostly it's the feeling that people recognize your talent and skill, and perceive it up to par as theirs. And this lady is incredibly talented. See for yourself!

Despite the fact that I absolutely hate what I'm doing professionally today, there are so many things to be excited for, and right now, I'm mostly excited about this. :D